Tangent Horn

Every once in a while, you meet one of those people who just likes to talk. Take, for example, my dad. He has the gift of gab, or as we affectionately refer to it in our family, the "gush gene". He can talk to anyone about anything for any length of time, and if it's something he's actually interested in, such as tractors, automobiles or restaurant equipment, it will even be longer. This makes for interesting conversations between him and random people you meet in random places, and it is generally quite fun to be around him. I'm sure all of you know people just like him.

Sometimes, though, you are with one of these people in one of those situations where you actually have an agenda and need to get stuff done - like, for example, a teaching appointment. This sort of verbal acuity is terrific for opening small talk, but if they like talking too much, it can be incredibly difficult to start the lesson or keep it on topic. And sometimes you find yourself wishing for some sort of device you could use to stem the flow of words that are not helping you accomplish your purpose. Perhaps... an air horn? That sounds good. Let's give it a zesty, creative name: The Tangent Horn(TM).

Here is a hypothetical transcript of a situation where such a device would be invaluably useful.
Elder 1: Hello Rick the Investigator! We have brought Brother Talksalot with us to this evening's teaching appointment because we think you would get along like salt and pepper.
Rick: Hello Brother Talksalot! I am Rick. I love tractors.
Bro. Talksalot: Why, so do I! In fact, I restore all sorts of antique farm equipment. I actually just bought myself a 1953 Allis Chalmers WD45 - it's in great shape, all it really needs is a...
(The elders look at each other and grin - Bro. Talksalot is a great match for Rick.)
(Five minutes pass. The elders become slightly agitated.)
Rick: Yep, that PTO is adequate for most things, but it isn't the strongest setup in the world.
Elder 2: Well that's great. We should really --
Bro. Talksalot: Well, you just have to make sure your baler slip clutch isn't tightened up all the way.
Elder 2: Uh-huh.
Rick: Oh really?
Elder 1: Wh--
Bro. Talksalot: Yessir, like this one time I had it too tight, and...
(Five more minutes pass, with the elders desperately attempting to hijack the conversation to gospel topics. They finally succeed.)
Elder 1: We wanted to talk tonight about the gospel of Jesus Christ.
(Insert doctrinal discourse here.)
Elder 2: Bro. Talksalot, what things have you done to strengthen your faith in Jesus Christ?
BT: You know, that's a great question, Elder 2. Faith needs continual strengthening or else it will run dry - kinda like this one Ford 8N I had that had a big oil leak. Y'see, the guy I bought it off of...
(The elders look at each other in silent desperation as the gospel discussion quickly devolves into another tractor repair taleswap. Elder 1 gives a small inquisitive hand signal, to which Elder 2 nods very surreptitiously. Elder 1 reaches in his backpack and pulls out a Tangent Horn(TM) and points it at Bro. Talksalot.)
Elder 1: *BWWWWRRRRR!!!!!*
(A shocked silence fills the room.)
Elder 1: Anyway, our faith in Jesus Christ leads us to repentance...

An open memo

Dear Everybody:

We are not Jehovah's Witnesses.

Love,
Me